Thursday, March 14, 2013

21 day project, day 4

I know I know, I haven't really been blogging like I said I would. Like most of my plans, something gets in the way! It's actually day 4 around here. So far, I feel like I have made some progress on navigating myself out of that thick wood. It hasn't been really easy but then it hasn't been really that difficult. I did half a day of the Dr Oz 3 Day Cleanse on Monday....that lasted until dinner time and book club. Not because I didn't want to do it but because I realized doing it on a weekday when I need all my brain cells on high alert was not the best thing. I didn't go back to drinking coffee though and I have been eating really clean. 

On day 2 I did hot yoga. My cousin swore up and down that it would give me a 'yoga high' after I did. Can I just tell you.... that shit is HOT! I sweated out probably 4 years of toxins in 90 minutes. My yoga high didnt come until the following morning. I think I was shell shocked up to then. At one point ,as I laid in what the incredibly perky and flat stomached yoga instructor called vinyasa and the smell of the gentleman (who I think almost passed out) next to me flitted into my nose, I had a revelation about dating.  
A good relationship reflects the best of you. It highlights your best features, it shows you what makes you special and rare. Why you, of all people, are blessed to have someone love you like he does and how amazing you are. I have been dating guys that made me feel like didn't feel like I was a blessing. I felt like a burden. Like I was a cross to bear, not a gift.  

Someone made the comment that I'm doing the gym during my lunch hour, the hot yoga, the kickboxing, the eating healthy so I can go out and meet someone. It was actually very hurtful to me. I'm not trying to get myself into the best spiritual, physical and mental shape for any other reason than for the zombie apocalypse. Kidding. It was hurtful because I'm only doing it for me. I want to feel that I have some strength in this world full of madness. That I can count on myself to be as good to myself as I can. That same person said that I want to be single. That I don't want to share my life with someone or have children. That hurt too. Because that's not the truth. But someone can only jump and fall on the cement so many times before they start to really look at the cost of that jump. You can only love and trust someone freely so many times. When that trust, that gift of unconditional love is abused so many times....its hard to even lean on that person. 

Someone can only play 'chicken' with you for so many times before you end up falling off the cliff.......

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