Monday, February 21, 2011

Update on Risotto Man.....

The hardest part about this whole "blog my personal life so people can read it." Is the blogging of my personal life. I know that sounds just the littlest bit strange seeing as how no one is making me do this blog. The whole point of this blog thought is not only to talk about food but my forays into the dating world. Those that know me know that I suck at dating. And its totally true. I do suck at dating. I'm not that good at it, but I do keep trying. The last serious, real boyfriend that I had was my *evil ex*. We broke up for good, well.... 3 years ago. We were together for several years and it was on and off and on and off. It took me a while to realize how detrimental that relationship was to me. How much it impacted me so negatively. It still surprises me how much he seeped into my life and how his ...well... his meanness affected me. The footprints that he left on me are deep and have had a more profound affect on me than I realize. But I don't want to get into this right now. Let me do a quick recap of the last few months and men during my search for my Risotto Man....

The Cowboy

Or the Texan. What ever you want to call him. He liked his whiskey... a lot. He also liked guns... a lot. You can actually read about this one. I was on top of it, kind of, and wrote about him. I was pretty surprised when he uttered the words "I just don't think we're clicking."

Mr. Market

Ah, Mr.Market. What I wanted to say to you was grow some balls man! I hate men who second guess themselves all the time. I don't want to date a man who I have to tell him to do things... all things and then he wonders why he didn't think of it. He drove me crazy but he ended leaving me. I know, I wasn't even interested in him but he ended up leaving me. Truthfully, I was relieved. But when this happened I realized something about myself... I didn't know when to cut my loses. When to cut and run. And while I'm not so good at it yet, at least I realized it now.

Mr. Jane Austin

Word to the wise... if a guy has a name that is remotely close to an villain in a Jane Austin novel... don't date. Just run. I had known this guy for years....years! He even came and visited me in LA when I lived there. Once I moved back, we tried dating and he disappeared. Then reappeared, full of apologies and saying that he wanted to really make it work and (I kid you not, these are his exact words) He "wanted nothing more than to make me his girlfriend". That morphed into the fact that he wanted to marry me and that he wanted to have kids. You would think that he is my Risotto Man, that my story would be over and that you all are coming to a wedding!'d be wrong.

When he said that he wanted to marry me, he actually meant that he and I were friends. I found this out after we had been dating for a while and he and I went to lunch with an old friend of his and she didn't know we were dating. I was surprised and I called him out on this.

Don't be sad for me friends! I actually spoke my mind and shared my feelings! I was proud of myself. Not every story that has an ending is a happy ending, some of them lead you to another door.

NOW ....

I'm still searching, I'm still looking for my Risotto man. I think part of the reason that I haven't found him yet is that I'm still looking for my mojo, my courage, my feather. Wait! You ask, what do you mean 'your feather?' Well, my sister and I were driving the other day and we were talking about getting back our courage. One of us said 'you need your feather'. You remember Dumbo? In order to fly he needed his feather.

In order to date, to get my mojo, to get my courage, to get my 'meness'....

I'm going to get my feather.