Roar

Hey, how about I turn this blog into one about music? Kidding. I'm not going to do that. But I do have to say that I recently (like as of this moment) came across a song by (who else) Katy Perry. My girl Katy and I seem to have a thing for the bad boys, if you believe the gossip rags. At least her bad boy (Russell Brand) was reformed. Now she's fooling around with John Mayer. If the gossip is to be believed, he's becoming reformed too. How does she do that?? My bad boys never reform, they still sleep on mattress on the floor, like to drink with kids who are barely legal, complain about every single person in their life, refuse to take any responsibility and have no desire to actually do something productive with their lives. Their main motivation seems to be a desire to hurt my feelings and 'teach me a lesson'. Let me school you something ladies, when a man feels like its necessary to tell you lies under the guise that it's to show you how some imagined infraction feels....well, that's flat out abusive behavior. And you are worth more. 

I read this book recently called  'The Power of the Lady Bits'. The actual title substitutes 'lady bits' for something a little more salty that is another word for cat. Totally changed my life. Seriously. The whole thing is about how to date, how to realize your own worth. I j'adore this book. I'm actually forcing my book club to read it. There was this one chapter that talks about the 'red flag men'. You know, the guys that have red flags go up but your hormones tell you to overlook those? I read the list that she had in the book and kept thinking 'check, check, check, check....oh shit.'. I read  the whole thing in the hopes that I could cure my brain of the bad boy. And move on to the nice guy. The amazing thing is, it actually worked! I actually found myself becoming more interested in the good guys. One thing it also teaches you is how to let go of the losers, the posers, the bad boys and not be upset. Case in point-
I went on a few dates with this computer programmer type guy. Cute, little geeky, older than me. Out of nowhere, he stops calling and texting. Do I get offended? Heck no! I move on to another 'pot on the stove'!
A week later, he texts about how he's sorry for the MIA and a sob story about how dating sucks. I tell him all is cool. Thanks for letting me know.
Douche bag actually has the audacity to say to me that he is "down for the physical" if I am. I promptly let him know that I am not that kind of lady. Not a peep since.
Normally, this would upset me. I would obsess over the idea that he thought I was that type of girl. I would wonder how I came off like that seeing as how nothing had happened between us. I would feel bad about myself and wonder if that's all I am to guys, a piece of ass.
But now? I could care less. Whatever!
His loss.
I'm fabulous.
Seriously girls. Read this book! Live your life the way you want to! Be free! Have fun!!

I know this might be a touch contradictory to my last post but in actuality it goes hand in hand with the concepts that this book teaches you.
You have to be happy being you before you can be happy dating someone. So I am happy with me. I am so stinking happy with me. I like spending time with me. I like to date myself. I typically am an easy date, ice cream and wine makes me a happy girl. I've heard there is an ice cream that is made of WINE.
How stinking great is that?? Sign me up!
  Thanks to this new found mojo, I have been on some interesting dates lately. I'm getting back into the dating pool, if only to provide everyone with some very funny stories. And trust me, they are really funny. I maintain that my husband probably lives in Ireland and owns his own pub because he got tired of brain surgery.

I know you want some nosh so I promise coming up you will see 'Let's meet at a gourmet pizza place and I will order us a chopped salad... to share' Chopped Salad recipe and 'Let's split this check, ok?' mini grilled cheese sliders recipe.

So this is whats on repeat right now. Download it. Love it. 

"Roar"
By my gal Katy Perry

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sat quietly, agreed politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR...

Roar-or, roar-or, roar-or

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR...

How to be alone

I might be a hippie at heart. I mean, like a trendy hippie. Who still likes to drink my Starbucks (Trenta, black iced tea with whole milk instead of H2O and raspberry instead of classic), still likes to get massages and facials, who prefers girls weekends to Sedona or Prescott while sleeping in uber comfy beds that envelop me like clouds, and someone who loves her sock bun in her hair and a mimosa at brunch on Sunday.
I am a trendy hippie. Which is probably why I like Tanya Davis and her spoken word artsy music. I was introduced to her piece "How To Be Alone" and I totally fell in love.
I first heard of this lovely little ditty on FB. Someone posted it and I clicked on it.
I watched it over and over and over again.
The words washing over me in some sort of verbal, hypnotic absolution.
A concept so simple, so pure and so freeing.
How to be alone.
How to be alone. How to move through life without the buffer of a cell phone, a friend, a book, a newspaper. How to instead to look life in the eye as you walk among the throngs of everyone. The moving, vibrating pulse of life. How to disconnect yourself enough from that overwhelming,  interwoven, living breathing, suffocating, mass of humanity to appreciate each single being that makes up the rush.
I get lost in trying to fill my mind all day. I work at trying to keep up with everything, involved with everything, a part of everything.
   I am a marinater. I take something in, I let it sit in my brain, I marinate on it. Let it really soak in.
I saw this clip over a year ago. And it took root. It started slowly, I bought her cd. I liked, still like, the rhythm of her music. The way it slips into your head and reverberates around it. Its like a really comfortable sweater.
I've lived in LA by myself. So I assumed that I knew how to be alone, how to be comfortable in public alone. But I wasnt. I hate being alone. I'm fine running to the store or the library or a bookstore. I'm ok but uncomfortable going to the gym by myself. I guess the whole point is that right now, I am learning how to be alone.
How to be ok with walking streets by myself or perhaps (like the artist suggests) going to dinner by myself.
Looking at the families around me, the people, the dates. All that life moving forward to an unseen end.
An unknown conclusion.
I am learning how to be comfortable that there is no one next to me. No one that I can text at 3am when I wake with a bad dream. No one that will kiss my cheek before bed and tell me that they love me.
I am learning to be ok that I am almost 33 and have yet to experience the great adventure that great love and marriage is. And I'm getting to be ok with that. I am getting to be truly, deeply happy with a state of singlehood that I am in.
Sometimes, when I go to the market after work and I pick up my wine and some gourmet nonsense that I want for dinner and maybe a pint of that really amazing gelato, I get behind in line with a stay at home mom. She has two kids screaming in the basket and a mixture of cheap mac and cheese, milk, cheerios, and other homey family style items. I look at her and I wonder if she wishes she were me. I know that beyond that stupid gelato I have, is a desire to fill a hole. The stay at home mom will later cook dinner for two kids while they play. She will watch them and adore them and they adore her, even if they are embarrassing her by screaming about gummy bears right now. Later, she will crawl into bed with her husband and watch some news channel. And she will sleep. I am a little jealous of her. I know this sounds selfish maybe self serving and vapid. But I wonder do we all secretly wish to be on that "greener" grass?
I guess the point is, I am leaning to love where I am. The road that I am on. I will love it, no matter where it takes me. I have no idea what is in store. But I am going someplace. Alone or with someone.

For your viewing pleasure.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs