Pop Pops for everyone!!

This is me and my dad. When I was lil. Well, I'm still lil so I guess when I was younger. When I didn't know anything except my mom and my dad. I look at this picture and I reflect back on who I was, how I became who I am today and everything that has happened since this picture was taken. Follow me for a moment here.....

Have you ever heard of something called 'Spider Love'?  Its this really interesting notion that Martha Beck talks about in her book, Steering by Starlight. I found it because I have been desperately trying to find some peace, some understanding, something, anything in regards to dating. I've read Deepak Chopra, I've done meditation, I've listened to Tibetan singing bowls, I've tried  Buddhist chants, I've read passages in the Bible, I've prayed, I've gone to the gym to run run run like a hamster and will my brain into stop obsessing about things in the past. It was these few paragraphs that really brought me some peace and some clarity. 

If you went into your garden, recruited a spider, and asked it, "What do you love most?" the spider might answer, "I love flies." This is true: Spiders enjoy a tasty fly the way I enjoy ice cream. And how does this love cause a spider to behave? Well, it makes a sticky web, catches flies alive, wraps them up to keep them from escaping, and keeps them there, conscious, but helpless. Then, whenever the spider needs a snack, it scurries over to the fly, injects it with venom to dissolve some of its insides, and slurps up some of its life force.

This is the way many people think of "love." They will say, in all honesty, that they love their children, their partners, their friends more than anything in the world. But their love is consumptive, not giving. They need their "loved ones" to feed them emotionally, so they imprison people, trap them in webs of obligation or guilt, paralyze them to keep them from going away. They love other people the way spiders love flies.

Before you set out to lead a relationship where conflict is occurring, remember this: The goal of real love is to set the beloved free. If someone else's "love" requires that you abandon your own soul, it's spider love. If you find yourself trying to control a loved one, you're in the spider's role. Spider love really isn't love at all but a version of fear that creates a perceived need to control.

There are two red flags that will start to wave when real love disappears and spider behavior begins. The first is the deception, by which I mean saying or doing anything at all that is not honest for you. The second is the word make. When you do something even slightly dishonest because you're trying to make someone do or feel something, love is no longer running the show. This is just as true when you're trying to make people feel good and loving as it is when you're trying make them follow your orders. People-pleasing and guilt-inducing are as much control strategies as domination.

If you're on the giving end of spider love, you'll feel grasping, desperate, angry, wounded, or all of the above. If you're on the receiving end, you'll feel a desperate desire to escape, often muted by your own rationalizations. "Mom's just trying to make me happy," you might think. "That's why she's offered me a house if I get gastric bypass surgery." Or "Coach only screams at me because he's trying to make me achieve my potential." Or "Jesse just needs to make sure I deserve his trust; that's why he's tied me to this chair."

If you find yourself repeatedly convincing yourself someone loves you, check yourself for spider glue. If your body and your mood darkens when you think of the person who's trying to "make you happy," listen to it. If you feel wretched and panicky with the need to control someone else, realize you may be playing the spider yourself. Either way, leave the web behind. Detach. Whatever your role in the drama, drop it and begin focusing on real love, the sort that always frees the beloved. You can think of it as Stargazer love, because at the level where you are truly steering by starlight, you'll do it naturally. 

Reading this made me realize that the "love" that I had in the past was NOT the kind that builds each other up, it just broke me down. Who I am at my core, what makes me the person I am, what makes people like me and enjoy me is perfectly explained by an indecent that happened when I was 3. 

My family and I had just moved into a new neighborhood. As I stood looking at the kids playing in the street, I formulated a plan. I went to my mom and asked if I could have a popsicle ...it was after all a hot Arizona summer day. When she said yes I ran to the door, flung it open and called out 

"Hey!! Pop Pops for everyone!!" 

That's me. That's what makes me at my core. I love people. I love to make people happy. I love to invite people over. I love to cook for people. I love to talk to people. I love to bring a smile to someones face. I love to give money to homeless people. I love to give cupcakes to people at work. 

I love people! 

I am a social butterfly. 

I want everyone in the world to acknowledge our differences and celebrate them! 

I want everyone to gather on the porch and enjoy a cherry popsicle on a hot summers day and relish the simplistic joy of the moment. 

 I am a light. We all have that light. And I know you will be able to find the light if its missing. Look a picture of yourself as a kid. Find that snapshot of you in the midst of a moment of pure happiness. That moment is your joy. And no matter what any spider tries to do, no one can take away your light. 

I know my last few posts have been a little on the angry, a little on the bitter side. But that's over now. 

My light is back. No one will take it again. 

And the mantra I have started to repeat to myself that helps me raise my standards 

(as Tony Robbins would say) is 

"My husband. The man I will marry....would NEVER treat me that way"

This....this is real true love. And this...this is worth falling for. 

21 day project, day 4

I know I know, I haven't really been blogging like I said I would. Like most of my plans, something gets in the way! It's actually day 4 around here. So far, I feel like I have made some progress on navigating myself out of that thick wood. It hasn't been really easy but then it hasn't been really that difficult. I did half a day of the Dr Oz 3 Day Cleanse on Monday....that lasted until dinner time and book club. Not because I didn't want to do it but because I realized doing it on a weekday when I need all my brain cells on high alert was not the best thing. I didn't go back to drinking coffee though and I have been eating really clean. 

On day 2 I did hot yoga. My cousin swore up and down that it would give me a 'yoga high' after I did. Can I just tell you.... that shit is HOT! I sweated out probably 4 years of toxins in 90 minutes. My yoga high didnt come until the following morning. I think I was shell shocked up to then. At one point ,as I laid in what the incredibly perky and flat stomached yoga instructor called vinyasa and the smell of the gentleman (who I think almost passed out) next to me flitted into my nose, I had a revelation about dating.  

A good relationship reflects the best of you. It highlights your best features, it shows you what makes you special and rare. Why you, of all people, are blessed to have someone love you like he does and how amazing you are. I have been dating guys that made me feel like didn't feel like I was a blessing. I felt like a burden. Like I was a cross to bear, not a gift.  

Someone made the comment that I'm doing the gym during my lunch hour, the hot yoga, the kickboxing, the eating healthy so I can go out and meet someone. It was actually very hurtful to me. I'm not trying to get myself into the best spiritual, physical and mental shape for any other reason than for the zombie apocalypse. Kidding. It was hurtful because I'm only doing it for me. I want to feel that I have some strength in this world full of madness. That I can count on myself to be as good to myself as I can. That same person said that I want to be single. That I don't want to share my life with someone or have children. That hurt too. Because that's not the truth. But someone can only jump and fall on the cement so many times before they start to really look at the cost of that jump. You can only love and trust someone freely so many times. When that trust, that gift of unconditional love is abused so many times....its hard to even lean on that person. 

Someone can only play 'chicken' with you for so many times before you end up falling off the cliff.......

the 21 day project

I bet you are feeling a bit abandoned. I haven't written in...well... a very long time. Last year, roughly about this same time, I started  to follow some breadcrumbs. I picked up those breadcrumbs willingly and happily and I really had some amazing wonderful times picking up those breadcrumbs. But while I was following that trail, I  lost myself. I found myself alone in a wooded forest of thick emotion. I was all alone, confused, sad and scared. I kept looking for the breadcrumbs and looking for a way to the light again. I frantically looked for some time for a path, for a crumb, for any kind of hope. 

Last weekend,  I went away on vacation and found my first ray of sunshine. It took a bit for it to sink in, to really understand what I had to do to leave that dark place. Truth be told, I'm still in it. I'm still holding onto the last piece of bread that I had found. But I can hold on to the bread or I can head the advise of the breadcrumb thrower, to move on and not bother to look for the crumbs anymore. A good friend told me about this 21 day meditation thing that Deepak Chopra and Oprah do, thus the 21 day project. 

Starting Monday, I get this little email that teaches guided meditation. I'm taking it a few steps further. I'm going into a sort of deep freeze. I'm going to de-toxify my body (which after all that bread has gained 30 pounds) and I'm going to de-toxify my heart (which has taken quite a beating). 

Only healthy, organic food and absolutely no, none, zilch men. I don't care if Bradley Cooper himself asks me out, no way jose! I am not dating, touching, kissing, nothing at all for at least the next 21 days. 

What does this mean for you? Well, I'm going to blog each and every day about it. Kind of an online diary. Hopefully, it will get me back into the swing of baring my soul for the wide vast 7 followers that I have. See you Monday. 

Happy late Valentines!

Lets chat about the lovely tea party that my sister throws each year in February.

Each year, she does something different. One year it was chocolate themed, last year was cupcakes and this year is Greek! I took some lovely picture and am so excited to post later the chocolate fountain, watermelon salad and other tasty bites!

As you can see from last years lovely tea party we had a martini bar.

Complete with strawberry ice cube hearts!

And like 18 types of cupcakes! Both savory and sweet! My favorite was the peaches and Cream cupcake with the Vanilla Peach Buttercream Frosting. YUM!!!! Until I post the Grecian Goddess Party from this year, this should tide you over.


What You Need:
1 1/4 C flour
1/2 t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
2 large eggs
1 C sugar
1/2 C unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 t vanilla extract
1/2 C sour cream
2 C peaches and cream blended into a mush, or 1 C peach jam (high quality jam with lots of real peach pieces)

What You Do:

1. Mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium-sized bowl and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the eggs and sugar for about 2 minutes, or until light and creamy.
3. Add the butter and vanilla and beat on low speed for about 1 minute, or until well blended.
4. Beat in the dry ingredients on low speed until blended.
5. Add the sour cream and beat until smooth and well blended.
6. Mix in peaches and cream or peach jam.
7. Divide batter evenly among 12 cupcake liners.
8. Bake at 350 F for about 23 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean and the tops are firm.

Vanilla Peach Buttercream Frosting

What You Need:
3 C confectioners' sugar (add more until it reaches your preferred consistency)
1 C unsalted butter, room temperature
2 t vanilla bean paste
4 T peach jam (high quality jam with lots of real peach pieces)


What You Do:
1. Mix together sugar and butter until they are blended and creamy.
2. Add vanilla bean paste and continue to beat for another minute.
3. Mix in peach jam until just combined.

Hello Darlings!

Ah, yes. I know I have left you alone for quite some time. Wondering if I will ever update or post again. My friends keep asking me to but I just haven't gotten around to it! So here I am, wine glass in hand asking for your forgiveness for my lack of updating you on my love life, food life and generally my life. I made some changes to my life which will hopefully allow more time for posting. And by more posting, I mean more cooking and more dating stories in which to amuse you all.

In the meantime.... and in honor of National Pancake day.... enjoy this little tidbit.

What you Need:
3/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons white vinegar
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
2 tablespoons butter, melted
cooking spray

What you Do:

1. Combine milk with vinegar in a medium bowl and set aside for 5 minutes to "sour".
2. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. Whisk egg and butter into "soured" milk. Pour the flour mixture into the wet ingredients and whisk until lumps are gone.
3. Heat a large skillet over medium heat, and coat with cooking spray. Pour 1/4 cupfuls of batter onto the skillet, and cook until bubbles appear on the surface. Flip with a spatula, and cook until browned on the other side.

Stir Fry Tuesday!

Happy Tuesday!!
I hope your weekend was great! I had a weekend full of fun and relaxation. I had a lovely date with my sisters this weekend in which we went to dinner, saw a movie and had peppermint hot coco after. I also became addicted to 'Sons of Anarchy'....I have no idea why.

Anyway, Monday was book club and if you want to see what we were up to pop over to the VBC website tomorrow for an update on the book. Tonight, I'm craving something a little lighter than the Chipotle Mac and Cheese I had and became an addict of from last night.

The thing I love about stir fry is that you can practically be a blind pirate with a hook for one hand and be able to pull this dish off. Not only that but because there are so many varieties it can also be a good way to use up veggies that are about to pass their prime.


This version is made up of a left over veggie tray from Thanksgiving, frozen chicken and sauce. After a light saute drop a few spoonfuls over white rice and voila!
A delish weekday night meal.

Some tips to make it yummy ....
Don't use anything but Sesame Seed Oil. It adds a nice little nutty flavor to all that you saute.
Using a wok is the best method, it heats evenly....also, you look pretty cool using it.
I leave my chicken still lightly frozen when I cut it, helps to keep my cubes uniform.

What you need:
3 cups assorted veggies, chopped into bite size pieces
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into cubes
3 TBL Sesame Seed Oil
1/2 cup soy sauce
1 TBL hot mustard, more to taste
1/2 - 1 TBL chili suace, use to taste


What you do:
Heat the Sesame Seed Oil in a wok on medium heat
In a separate bowl whisk soy sauce, hot mustard and chili sauce, set aside
When the oil is hot add the chicken and fry until golden brown
Spoon 1/4 of the sauce mixture over the chicken while its in the wok
Saute for 60 seconds then pull the chicken from the wok and put in a separate bowl
Leave that yummy goodness in the wok and dump the veggies right on top
Saute the veggies until almost cooked, I like to leave mine a bit crisp
Spoon the remainder of the sauce over the veggies and saute for a few more minutes
Add the chicken back in and saute for a 3 minutes
Serve on top of rice

YUM! May I recommend a glass of plum wine? Its delish!